the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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