It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
