I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
