Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
