I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
