I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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