Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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