Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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