Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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