i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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