We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize