You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
