when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
