That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
