jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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