Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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