Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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