You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
he thought i was a dude.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
