I am puke
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize