he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize