no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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