I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
