Sry I called you an 8
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
