ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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