what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
