she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
