A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i think im in europe. pls send help
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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