Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
