I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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