Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
