she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
