Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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