I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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