if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
