did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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