Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
