And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
