Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
