that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
