Moan for me like Helen Keller
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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