the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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