are you so shy because you have an std?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
