A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
