She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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