I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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