Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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