sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
as a side note pls kill me
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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