when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
