I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
