Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
