girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
