By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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