you guys were way drunker than both of me
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
