i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
