sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
