is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
