Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Rumble strips road head = magical
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
