he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
