Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
