OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
operation have a gay friend backfired
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
