I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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