happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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