Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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