I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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