my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
