i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
